The path to healing is best paved with tough love, kindness and respect. The first and easiest way to cause someone in addiction to put up a wall between you and himself or herself is to call them an addict. The word ‘addict’ is dirty, low, degrading and classifies that person as something other than a human being. No one should ever be defined by their addiction. You are dealing with someone with very low self-esteem and who is broken in every way. Do you really think you can connect with that person by calling them an addict? No, so don’t do it! And… NEVER consider a person who has detoxed, rehabbed and moved forward in their life as still an ‘addict’. The conventional rehabs, along with the infamous 12 steppers, would like to tell you, ‘once an addict, always an addict’. It’s a lie from the pit of Hell, so don’t bite into it. Addiction is no more a disease than is going to school or getting a divorce. Addiction is what it is and what it is can only be described as a spiritual problem that demands a spiritual solution. It evolves out of brokenness and despair. These are hurting, broken people – NOT the scum of the earth as most would describe them.
So, how do you confront someone you love or care about who is involved in an addiction? What’s the terminology?
- Treat them as a human being – with dignity and respect.
- NEVER use the word ‘addict’ when you’re with them and when you’re not. A better way is to say it is that they are people in addiction or someone with a temporary addiction disorder. Always stress that it is a temporary problem that has a permanent solution.
- NEVER tell them that they have a disease; that’s just a theory created by the two dysfunctional founders of AA who died in their addiction and wanted a reason to keep using when they felt like it.
- Offer them hope and tell them that there is a permanent way out.
- Ask them (don’t tell them) that you are there to help them. Be all ears to what they have to say, and truly listen. Try often to engage them in conversation.
- Don’t use the term, enabler. Just let them know that you understand how strong a pull addiction has, so you will NEVER give them cash or credit cards as long as they remain in their addiction; however, the help you will offer is to feed them in your home when they are hungry, and, if necessary, to give them a place to live in your home as long as they abide by the rules. Have them sign a living arrangement agreement, explaining exactly what you expect them to do while living in your home. In this agreement, you need to state that you expect them to work and give you money towards their rent and food, keep a neat an orderly room, and abide by your curfew. If they won’t do that, you cannot allow them to live with you.
- Again, NEVER give them cash or a credit card – NO MATTER WHAT! They will ALWAYS use that money for drugs or alcohol or both. Most people in addiction can pull the wool over your eyes – not because they are con artists – but because the addiction is so powerful… so all consuming… that they just can’t help themselves. When the addiction ends, they change and wake up. On the outside they may be rude and cunning, but on the inside they are screaming in pain.
- Love them, with the love of Christ… without judgement. Encourage them.
- Get them professional help or they will die in their addiction. Arrange for an intervention… get specialized addiction coaching… get them into see a good Christian counselor.
- Tell them you believe in them – no one has before.
Need truly affordable help in recovery? Want a permanent solution for addiction? Don’t want to do ‘steps’ or be told that you have a (theorized) disease? Resent being called an ‘addict’ – even when you’re past your addiction? Want your recovery to remain private, be compassionate, and individualized just for you? Want a faith based solution? Would you like to recover from the privacy of your home or office? Don’t want recovery to interfere in your activities of daily living? A FREE, no obligation, 30 minute conversation by phone is waiting for you; however, for those who truly cannot afford our program and can demonstrate their need with verifiable documentation, the program is given FREE. Please CLICK HERE!
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